ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
