my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
