i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
