Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
