I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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