I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
