I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
