At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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