i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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