My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
