Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize