im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
