i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
