if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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