I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
