I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
from now on my penis is your penis
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
