I just pynch a tree in the face
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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