the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
