I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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