found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
