im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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