You smell like stripper and shame
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
