why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
