I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
