i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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