I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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