never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
