Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
