I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
