Nicole vs. Life
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
