Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize