you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
