I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
