I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
