my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
