i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
