idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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