Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
PANTIES FOUND
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