i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
