There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
