You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
