toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
