my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize