i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
