four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
