When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize