nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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