WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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