Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
