somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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