she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
