Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
