dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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