I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
