I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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