I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
