I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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