I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
