he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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