you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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