Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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