Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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