I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
