I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize