So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
