So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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