I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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