the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
