Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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