Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
