OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
