Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
