I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
