either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
