im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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