Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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