i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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