I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
