Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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