Your dad touched me again.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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