our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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