If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
