Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
