Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
