What did we do last night that was yellow?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
