it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
