First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
