dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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