hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
