I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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