just come out here and I will go home with you...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
