I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
