low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
