the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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