so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I need moral support for this bender
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize