My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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