I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Can Purell be used as lube?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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