just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
