guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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