he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
