I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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