I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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