Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
