the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
