I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize