There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
