Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
