apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
