Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
is your mom at the bar?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
