3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
