he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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